10 Toxic Personalities Church Leaders Must Navigate and How to Handle Each with Wisdom
Ministry is Sacred Work
Ministry is also people work. And sometimes people can be difficult.
Toxic personalities don’t just live in secular workplaces. They sit in pews. They serve on your team. Sometimes they’re even in leadership. As a church leader, you’re called to lead with grace, but that doesn’t mean you should suffer in silence or enable dysfunction.
Go easy on yourself.
You’re not a bad leader because someone on your team is hard to handle.
You just need to recognize the patterns and respond with wisdom.
Let’s unpack 10 toxic types and how to lead each.
1. The Underminer
They say things like:
“Well, I heard a different story…”
“Just playing devil’s advocate...”
“I love Pastor, but…”
Underminers specialize in subtle digs and backhanded compliments. They don’t launch open attacks. They chip away at your credibility over time.
Leader Strategy:
Stay factual. Call out inconsistencies without emotion. Don’t stoop to their level. Let truth do the cutting.
Church Context:
They may stir confusion during staff meetings or whisper complaints to others rather than addressing them properly. You don’t need to match their tone or tenor, just choose clarity and consistency.
2. The Narcissist
They say things like:
“I’m the only one doing this right.”
“Why didn’t I get recognized?”
“They wouldn’t have made it without me.”
To a narcissist, ministry is a stage, not a calling. They crave attention, validation, and power.
Leader Strategy:
Don’t try to win their approval. You’ll burn out trying to keep them happy. Instead, stick to your values and lead by being a quiet, steady example.
Church Context:
This person may hijack meetings, redirect praise, or sabotage team wins if they aren’t in the spotlight. Your job? Lead with humility and let your fruit speak louder than their noise.
3. The Victim
They say things like:
“Why does this always happen to me?”
“Nobody helps me.”
“I’m just so overwhelmed.”
They never take ownership. Drama follows them like a cloud. They exhaust the team’s emotional energy.
Leader Strategy:
Shift the conversation to solutions, not sympathy. Validate emotion without enabling excuses. Remember, empathy isn’t agreement.
Church Context:
They may frequently call in last minute, miss deadlines, or create emotional chaos that distracts from the mission. Boundaries are not unkind; they are Christ-like.
4. The Gossip
They say things like:
“Don’t tell anyone I said this, but…”
“Just between us...”
“I probably shouldn’t say this, but…”
They trade in half-truths and drama disguised as concern.
Leader Strategy:
Don’t play. Don’t respond. Don’t feed it. Silence is your shield.
Church Context:
Gossip destroys trust and teams faster than failure. Kill it with culture: elevate honor, clarity, and direct conversation as your team norms.
5. The Credit Stealer
They say things like:
“We had a great event” (but they didn’t plan it)
“That was my idea” (but it wasn’t)
They hijack wins and disappear during losses.
Leader Strategy:
Document everything. Promote paper trails. Speak up publicly, calmly, and clearly.
Church Context:
Celebrate wins as a team and be precise with attribution. If you’re a senior leader, give credit loudly and call out misattribution privately.
6. The Bulldozer
They say things like:
“Let’s just get it done.”
“We don’t have time to wait.”
“I’m not here to make friends.”
They dominate meetings, interrupt constantly, and bulldoze collaboration.
Leader Strategy:
Set strong boundaries. Reclaim space with clarity, not volume.
Church Context:
This personality might hide behind “urgency” or “excellence,” but end up causing burnout and resentment. Slow them down with structure, systems, and calm leadership.
7. The Passive-Aggressive
They say things like:
“Sure, I’ll do it…” (and then don’t)
“Whatever you think is best.” (but they don’t mean it)
Sarcasm, sighs, and sideways comments.
They avoid direct conflict but poison the air with sarcasm and delay.
Leader Strategy:
Bring behavior into the light. Ask direct questions. Don’t mirror their behavior.
Church Context:
Set a tone of honest feedback. Clarify expectations and check in directly. Call out indirect behavior by naming it kindly but firmly.
8. The Gatekeeper
They say things like:
“You’ll have to talk to me first.”
“That’s above your pay grade.”
“Let me handle that.”
They hoard information to maintain control.
Leader Strategy:
Build relationships across silos. Never depend on one channel for access.
Church Context:
This is often a long-term staffer or volunteer who’s been allowed to become a bottleneck. Invite them to the table, but make the table bigger, not smaller.
9. The Martyr
They say things like:
“I’m the only one who cares.”
“No one else shows up.”
“I guess I’ll just do it myself.”
They use guilt to control or manipulate others into action.
Leader Strategy:
Redefine roles and responsibilities in writing. Don’t let guilt run or ruin your calendar.
Church Context:
While often dependable, their burnout can breed bitterness. Appreciate their sacrifice, but don’t reward the dysfunction. Teach rest and sustainability.
10. The Know-It-All
They say things like:
“That won’t work.”
“We’ve tried that before.”
“I already knew that.”
They dismiss feedback and shut down innovation.
Leader Strategy:
Ask questions they can’t deflect. Let their ego expose the blind spots.
Church Context:
This could be a seasoned staff member, elder, or even a pastor. Honor their wisdom, but don’t let it be a ceiling. Invite curiosity back into the culture.
Final Thoughts for Church Leaders
Toxic personalities are not your enemy, but the patterns they repeat can become ministry hazards if left unchecked.
Jesus dealt with Pharisees, doubters, betrayers, and critics and never lost his cool (He did flip tables though). He knew when to respond with grace and when to walk away in wisdom.
You don’t need to carry every unhealthy behavior. You need clarity, boundaries, and strategy.
Need Help Navigating the Complex People Side of Ministry?
I help pastors and church leaders lead teams with wisdom, communicate with clarity, and build cultures that don’t burn people out.
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✅ I help pastors design strategies that work.
✅ Implement systems that last.
✅ And develop leaders with a heart for people.
Schedule a free discovery call today.
Visit ericvhampton.com to start the conversation.
See you next Saturday!
Eric V Hampton
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Pew Patterns. My new book helps leaders like you make sense of the shifting spiritual landscape and build churches where people don’t just attend… they belong.
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