The 10 People You’re Probably Ignoring
Solve the mental health gap in your church
Church leaders are wired to respond to crises. We show up when there are tears, trauma, and visible turmoil.
But what if the people who need us the most are the ones who never say a word?
What if we’re only pastoring the loudest pain and missing the quietest cries?
This Mental Health Awareness Month, we don’t need another reminder to care for hurting people.
We need a wake-up call to care for the hidden ones—the ones we’ve been conditioned to overlook.
Let’s unpack this.
The Danger of Visible Ministry
Most church systems reward visibility.
The vocal members get attention.
The present volunteers get promoted.
The squeaky wheels get the pastoral oil- pun intended.
But what about the ones who aren’t showing up or speaking up?
Just because they’re quiet doesn’t mean they’re okay.
Just because they’re capable doesn’t mean they’re cared for.
Pain doesn’t always shout. Sometimes it hides in silence, smiles, or service.
Here are 10 types of people pastors and leaders often miss, and how you can change that.
1. The Ones Who’ve Been Quiet Lately
Not gone. Just silent.
In meetings. While serving. In the sanctuary.
Silence is often a sign.
Don’t confuse it with stability. It may be emotional withdrawal or protective detachment.
Do this:
Send a simple, private message: “You’ve been on my heart. Is everything okay?”
Don’t assume offense. Assume pain.
Let them know their absence matters to you.
2. The Ones Who Never Ask for Help
These are your “strong, silent types.”
High-capacity. High-performing. And highly alone.
They don’t ask because:
They’ve been rejected before.
They believe their needs don’t matter.
They’re convinced no one can really help.
Do this:
Say, “I know you don’t usually ask, but how can I support you right now?”
Offer something tangible. “What can I take off your plate this week?”
3. The Ones Who Always Seem Happy
They smile. They bring energy. They encourage.
Sometimes they’re genuinely joyful.
Other times, they’ve learned to mask their anxiety or depression with charisma.
Joy can be real, but so can performance.
Do this:
Ask them this powerful question: “How’s your heart, really?”
Create low-pressure environments for them to share without needing a stage.
4. The Ones Who Come Across as "Strong"
They carry others. They quote Scripture. They’re pillars of your church.
But strength is not immunity.
It’s often a shield.
These people don’t crumble in public, but they’re collapsing in private.
Do this:
Remind them: “You don’t have to be strong for me.”
Give them space to be vulnerable without risking their leadership credibility.
5. The Ones Who Seem to Have It All Figured Out
Planners. Preachers. Professionals. Perfectionists.
They look like they’re thriving.
But beneath the calendar and checklist may be exhaustion, self-doubt, or identity confusion.
They’re not asking for help because everyone expects them to be the help.
Do this:
Ask personal, not professional questions: “What’s bringing you joy lately?”
Make space where they don’t have to perform or impress.
6. The Ones Going Through Life Transitions
Big changes, even good ones, can cause emotional disorientation.
New job
No job
New home
No home
Retirement
Divorce
Graduation
Empty nest
Loss of a parent or spouse
Every transition feels like grief.
Do this:
Don’t just pray with them. Walk with them.
Schedule check-ins a few weeks and months after the event, not just during it.
7. The Ones Who Are Always There for Everyone Else
They’re dependable. Selfless. Always “on.”
These are your go-to volunteers, deacons, assistants, and caregivers.
But they’re giving from a well that might be dry.
They are praying for everyone, but no one is praying for them.
Do this:
Ask, “Who’s pouring into you?”
Ask, “How can I pray for you?”
Give them a day off, even if they insist they’re ok.
8. The Ones Who Say They’re “Fine”
“Fine” is often a defense mechanism.
It’s short for:
“I don’t think you really want to know.”
“I don’t think you really care.”
“I can’t afford to fall apart.”
“I’m afraid of what happens if I’m honest.”
Do this:
Gently push past the first answer.
“You said you’re fine, but are you sure?”Make it safe for people to unravel.
9. The Ones You Haven’t Heard From
The Church Droppers and silent departures are the most dangerous.
People who ghost the church often do so quietly because:
They feel overlooked
They’re embarrassed by their struggle
They believe their absence won’t matter
Do this:
Reach out without an agenda: “You’re missed. I hope you’re okay. No pressure, just want you to know that I miss you.”
Don’t try to win them back. Just remind them that you’re thinking about them.
10. Your Own Team
This is where it gets personal.
Your staff, ministers, leaders, and dependable volunteers are often the most overlooked when it comes to mental health. Why?
Because they work for you.
Because they’re “doing ministry.”
Because they’re supposed to be okay.
But your team needs pastoring and support, too.
Do this:
Implement regular soul-care check-ins that don’t revolve around job performance.
Promote counseling, sabbaticals, and mental health breaks.
Lead from example by caring for your own soul, too.
Rethinking Pastoral Care: From Reactive to Proactive
Most church leaders are excellent responders.
But few proactively check-in.
Here are 3 insights:
If you wait for someone to ask for help, they may never get it.
If you only respond to breakdowns, you’ve missed dozens of warning signs.
If your pastoral care depends on visibility, you’ll miss the invisible.
How to Build a Culture of Intentional Check-Ins
If you want to care for the quietly struggling, you don’t need a new ministry team, you just need a new mindset.
Here’s how:
1. Preach to Those Who Are Hiding:
Use the pulpit to normalize mental health conversations. Talk about anxiety, burnout, rest, and therapy.
2. Train Your Leaders:
Equip your staff and volunteers to identify quiet suffering. Give them questions to ask.
3. Create Systems for Check-Ins:
Don’t wait until someone disappears. Build rhythms of monthly texts or emails, quarterly coffee check-ins, and post-event follow-ups.
4. Partner with Professionals:
Bring in counselors. Offer subsidized therapy. Host workshops. Be a bridge, not the only solution.
Shepherding the Silent
In John 10, Jesus describes Himself as the Good Shepherd who knows His sheep by name.
Not just the noisy ones.
Not just the visible ones.
All of them.
As a leader, your job isn’t just to respond to pain.
It’s to discern it before it becomes audible and visible.
So during this Mental Health Awareness Month, check in on:
The strong
The silent
The smiling
The “fine”
They might never ask for help or take you up on your offer, but they’ll never forget that you offered it.
Want to lead a church that truly cares for the seen and unseen? I help leaders design strategies that work, implement systems that last, and develop teams that truly shepherd people.
Schedule a free discovery call today.
Visit ericvhampton.com to start the conversation.
See you next Saturday!
Eric V Hampton
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